If you’ve been following the blogs the past few weeks (or, your just a parent) you know I’ve been talking about teens and regret. Be definition, a teenager hasn’t grown up yet. That means they haven’t had as many life experiences. And, that means they will make mistakes. It’s up to parents to guide students through the process of learning from those mistakes.
So, how can you work at helping your student navigate the regret they might feel after they’ve made a poor choice or a bad decision?
First, create a tentative plan on how to react when your student comes to you with some less than favorable news. What do you want to be sure to communicate? What do you want to be sure not to communicate? If you’re married, talk to your spouse and make sure that you are both on the same page about how you will react.
And remember, you don’t only communicate through your words. What other ways can you communicate care and understanding—your tone of voice, your body language, your emotions? At this stage in the game, parenting is less about control and authority and more about coaching and influence. How can your reaction to your teenager in a tense moment be more coaching-oriented than control-oriented?
More than anything, what students need to know and hear—though they may never vocalize it themselves—is that they are loved. No matter what. Chances are, whatever your student has done that they feel regret over, they also feel guilt over, and are fearful of rejection from you because of their actions. Creating a plan on how to communicate your love and acceptance to your student regardless of what they do or don’t do will ultimately set you up for success when they demonstrate some less than desirable behavior.